How matchmaking services work

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How matchmaking services work

The practice[ edit ] In Orthodox Jewish circles, dating is limited to the search for a marriage partner. Both sides usually the singles themselves, parents, close relatives or friends of the persons involved make inquiries about the prospective partner, e.

Some engage in it as a profession and charge a fee for their services. Usually a professional matchmaker is called a shadchanbut anyone who makes a shidduch is considered the shadchan for it.

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The number of dates prior to announcing an engagement may vary by community. In some, the dating continues several months. In stricter communities, the couple may decide a few days after originally meeting with each other.

Also the age when shidduchim start may vary by community. In frum circles, especially among Hassidimeighteen is the age when shidduchim start and shadchanim take notice. Those who support marriage by shidduch believe that it complies with traditional Judaism 's outlook on Tzeniutmodest behaviour in relations between men and women, [1] [4] and prevents promiscuity.

It may also be helpful in small Jewish communities where meeting prospective marriage partners is limited, and this gives them access to a broader spectrum of potential candidates.

If the shidduch works out then the couple inform the shadchan of its success. In recent years, a number of shidduchim sites have appeared on the Internet. Bashow[ edit ] The prospective partners either date each other or in stricter communities they go to a "bashow" [5] or sit in.

Both sets of parents talk to each other, and then when the setting is more relaxed, they go into another room, leaving the man and woman in the living room to speak among themselves.

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Some use this opportunity to actually ask each other pertinent questions, while some just want to see if they like each other, relying more on the information they got from the shadchen or from other people.

The number of bashows prior to announcing an engagement varies, as some have many bashows while others have as few as one, which is typical among the children of Hasidic Rebbes. Bashert[ edit ] Bashert or BeshertYiddish: It can also be used to express the seeming fate or destiny of an auspicious or important event, friendship, or happening.

In modern usage, Jewish singles will say that they are looking for their bashert, meaning they are looking for that person who will complement them perfectly, and whom they will complement perfectly. Since it is considered to have been foreordained by God whom one will marry, one's spouse is considered to be one's bashert by definition, independent of whether the couple's marital life works out well or not.

Biblical matchmaking[ edit ] The first recorded shidduch in the Torah was the match that Eliezerthe servant of the Jewish patriarch Abrahammade for his master's son Isaac Genesis Ch.

Abraham gave him specific instructions to choose a woman from Abraham's own tribe. Eliezer traveled to his master's homeland to fulfill Abraham's wishes, arriving at a well.

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After a short prayer to God for guidance, describing how a virtuous woman might act toward a traveling stranger at the well, Rebekah appeared on the scene and did everything described in Eliezer's prayer. Eliezer then went with Rebekah to her family and appealed to them for permission to take Rebekah back with him to be Isaac's wife.

Once this permission was granted, Rebekah joined Eliezer on the road home to Isaac. Even so, Isaac gained his own impression of her before agreeing to marry her Rashi, commentary to Genesis However, when Eliezer proposes to take Rebekah back to Isaac in Canaanhe is told by Rebekah's family: This is taken as an instruction for Jewish parents to weigh their child's opinion in the balance during an arranged marriage.

Regardless of whether proper procedure is followed, this is not the end of the decision - it is believed by Jews that the final say belongs to God, who may have different plans compare with the match of Jacob and Leah.

Talmudic references[ edit ] The Talmud Bavli Kiddushin 12a, first version states that academy head Rav would give corporal punishment to a man who would marry without shidduchin, that is, [10] without prearrangement by the couple.

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How matchmaking services work

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How matchmaking services work

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